August 31, 2006
Using My Talents To Their Fullest
I was talking yesterday with a good friend (hi friend!) and couldn't really think of ANYTHING I do well. Seriously. I mean, some things I do well by accident. Nothing by discipline. But that's a different discussion, maybe this afternoon? Come on back if you're interested.
But anyhoo, today I proved myself wrong, using my astounding talents to their fullest.
I composed, on the fly, a very entertaining AND motivating AND effective (and LOUD) rendition of "You Can't Hurry Poop" to the tune of Phil Collin's "You Can't Hurry Love" - and no, not just the chorus, but the verses. It went on and on and on ... long past when it's desired effect (Effect, Rosanne?) had been accomplished.
So, there, look at how clever and accomplished I am.
AND then, in totally unrelated...
(why did my 3 year old just come and spread a damp wipie out on my arm while making little squeaking noises?)
... in a totally unrelated ...
(he just did it to my other arm. So I've got wipies carefully placed on my forearms as I type)
... in a totally unrelated event. We have This Financial Guy doing some stuff with us, and we had lots of places to sign. And of course forgot some of the places. So The Grand Lunar says that The Financial Guy would be stopping by this morning. He told me this at, like, 11 am. When I was still sitting, unshowered, in a slovenly home, in my jammies. So instead of panicking, I cleverly wasted some MORE time before getting to work. Eventually I showered, dressed, checked email once more, and started to work. Then stopped to check email (gotta live by your priorities, right?) and The Grand Lunar said that The Financial Guy was ON HIS WAY OVER RIGHT NOW.
So I wisely saw it was time to panic and began flinging things around the kitchen and wondering what the stink was. The guy came not 5 minutes later (Hey, friend, I DID wait too long this time -- but didn't get burned) and I apologized for my last minute cleaning panic not being fast enough, and he said that was fine, for one signature I could just sign at the doorway.
Then he said, "I'm sure my house looks just the same."
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!
He SERIOUSLY said that.
Which of course makes every other utterance he's made suspect.
I mean, seriously. He has three GROWN children. Three. Grown.
I have six small children who have the same talents I do - slovenliness and the ability to make up songs. Procrastination and Whining. And a general lack of cleaning, muck less tidying.
So ... um ... do you REALLY think his house looks like mine?
Or do you think he has NO idea what a house REALLY could look like?
Anyway, my three year old entertained him in the doorway while I found a pen.
Which took longer than it should have. Because apparently I've carried off all the "near the front door pens" to strange places. I do that.
There, look at all that talent. Not JUST the song and an amusing story, but I've also managed to procrastinate the still-messy kitchen another 15 minutes.
I am a multi-faceted, amazingly talented woman, eh?
Posted by Kim at August 31, 2006 11:48 AMDear friend...you are very, very good at telling a story in a hysterically entertaining way that good-naturedly pokes fun at yourself while making the rest of us laugh and feel better about our own "areas of lacking." (Say all this in one breath.)
The financial guy has obviously been trained in southern politeness (i.e. always say something kind and make the other person feel better) or else possibly has political aspirations.
Look for snail mail in your box soon outlining a few other things you do very well!
Love you just the way you are...Betsy
Posted by: Betsy at August 31, 2006 12:36 PMguess what my RIMH is playing now?
I need to hear the verses.
I once, back when I had two kids, had a single guy from camp stop by my house out of the blue, to borrow something or...? I don't remember. When I apologized for my messy house he offered to clean it and started trying to set up a time. To me that was even more humiliating than the "yeah my house is just as messy" thing that sounds like it could not possibly be true... this guy can't even pretend the mess doesn't bother him? Ugh. The irony of it is that (I heard later) his bachelor pad, shared with one other guy, was a total pit (dead pizza, mostly empty soda cans, smelly socks, etc) Then I didn't feel quite so horrid about our avalanche... He's a totally distractable extrovert and never did show up to clean our house, and I was secretly relieved he'd forgotten. ;o/
Posted by: kelly at August 31, 2006 12:51 PMI want the full set of lyrics, ASAP! LOL That is destined to be a classic in the same way that the "Poop goes in the potty" song is. :-D
Yes, effect was the correct word.
HUGS to you too! (memories...light the corners of my mind....)
Posted by: Rosanne at August 31, 2006 1:39 PMOhh i bet i can say mine looks very simliar to yours and mean it that is for sure. Somewhere between that basket of laundry over there or that never ending mess of a room my 11 year old calls his bed room. -lol.. thanks for stopping by my TT i will have to pop in here now and then :)
Posted by: Becki at August 31, 2006 2:06 PMcare to regal us with the lyrics to "you can't hurry poop"?
Posted by: Tess at August 31, 2006 3:36 PMAugh, I should've explained (now that I've had at least 3 requests for the lyrics) that I 'write' songs the way I cook. Asking me for a recipe after I've invented a meal is only possible if I try to pay attention when cooking.
So it was something to the effect of (... Listens to her head for a while, turns out it's singing Bad Day by REM ... Has to try to find the right song again)
Oh you can't hurry poop
You just have to wait
You know poop don't come quickly
Sometimes you have to wait and wait
How long must I wait
Oh how long will it take
Before all of my poop
Is finished with my potty break (? Something like that)
Oh poop, poop
It don't come quickly
But I keep on waiting, anticipating
For my potty to finally come out (sorry, kind of lame)
And then I'll be done ... (trails off, sure she had something better the first time)
Uh ...
Hm. Maybe it wasn't half so clever as it was LOUD. Ha! Or maybe it really was much better, and versier, the first time. I could probably re-create it if I really had to, but surely littleD got the message ...
The main gist of the song being that you just need to sit quietly on the potty for awhile, and then awhile longer, because sometimes it's not quite ready and just needs a little while. It's not so much a song for constipated days as it is just to learn that, well, that sometimes you just have to wait. LOL!
I think your version is great, but it's not just because of the fabulous lyrics. It's just as much the being able to imagine Phil Collins clenching his hands into fists around the microphone as he puts all his emotional energy into singing "...but I keep on waiting, anticipating..."
And the backup singer women, softly crooning from behind the shower curtain, with shampoo in their hair, "ooh, woo, poop don't come easy!"
That's what makes the song a winner - the whole mental video. :o)
FWIW I write songs the same way. And my older two roll their eyes and say "mom's being silly again" or "mo-o-o-m, sto-o-o-op!" They never liked it, even when they were little. It bothers them when I sing the wrong words. Sigh...
Posted by: kelly at September 1, 2006 1:48 PMThirteen Things You Do Well:
1. Your photographs on your blog are AWESOME! You are an artist and have an artist's eye.
2. You designed and painted your kitchen in beautiful green and blue.
3. You create beautiful children who are loving and kind and funny and smart and lovable.
4. You know tons about computers
5. You got your whole family to come visit me in CT last year which brought me great joy.
6. Whenever I come to visit, the guest room is made up in the most comfortable way, and I feel very welcomed.
7. You take good care of my brother.
8. You are a committed blogger!
9. You are smart and a good teacher for your children.
10. You write and illustrate kid's stories, two of which I still have.
11. You know how to make wheat-free coffee cake.
12. You have provided wonderful grandparents for your kids to love and be loved by.
13. You examine your life and get confused just like the rest of us!
xoxoxoxoxoxo
