To me, love isn't an emotion at all, it's all action. We've even started giving the emotion other names so we don't confuse it with our command to love.

In that sense, joy is the action, and happiness is the emotion. Perhaps settling for contentment is the best you can do now. Joy is still there and happiness will come!

As far as ruining seeds, I am here to tell you God is BIG. I did everything I could (not on purpose, of course, but from a stupid, sinful, ignorant life) to ruin my oldest boy. But God had other plans for him. He's a wonderful, amazing adult - and newlywed! (wow, giving birth-in-law sure is easier than the other way!!)

It always amazes me when my son says to me things like, "You know what I love about you, Mom? That you're so patient with me." And I'm humbled by God's goodness, because I KNOW IN MY HEART that I'm not at all patient! Yet that is how he sees me. The Bible says that love covers a multitude of transgressions. God, in His goodness and His love, helps my children to see me not as I know myself, but as He knows me. And step by step, He has worked in me.

Stay in prayer, and ask God to help you live up to the best that the children see in you, and to reveal and steadily sand away the worst in you. Sanctification is a life-long process.

Betsy

but i do understand how we do believe those lies. i do too, somedays. but most of the time i just put on my rose colored glasses and keep moving.

"you're doing the best you can. you're teaching them to trust God."

but what if I'm not? What if I'm not doing the best I can? What if I'm just full of half-hearted intentions that I claim, but don't actually do? And feel overwhelmed and powerless to do better, but really can't confidently say I'm doing my best?

All I can say is I'm with you. I've felt many of these same emotions and thought many of the same thoughts, as I'm sure I will again. PS And know this...I've been to your house...and it's cleaner than mine. :)

(Kim, forgive me for using your blog to send a message, but I must tell Peggy that she is missed at the board)

I've been struggling with the feelings vs actions thing too. If I graphed my emotions they would usually be a pretty straight line, no real highs, no real lows. I used to think that was ideal, but now that I am getting older, I'm not so sure.

I'll also pray for you, Kim.

*HHHHUUUUGGGGGGGGGG* i wish i could deliver that in person.

i think most moms feel similarly. there is a sweet lady in our church who has grown children now, and she told me that when she was raising her children she often prayed, "Lord, please make up for my mistakes." the fact that you care so much is proof that you will constantly try to re-evaluate and be a better wife and mom, and i believe God will bless that.

being a woman is a hormonal roller coaster!! and being pregnant only exacerbates it.

hang in there, sweetie. the best is yet to come!