T'Mahk Too - Comments on Oh, you force my hand ... or "Would you like some psychobabble with that?" http://andfam.net/kimblog/archives/000656.html Too many of you suggested the "cleanie friend" option for me to continue to ignore it. Yes, yes, I was trying hard to ignore it. Oddly enough, most (but not all!) of my IRL friends are Cleanies. Born Organized (or... en-gb Wed, 04 Apr 2007 09:26:34 -0500 Mon, 18 Aug 2008 21:50:41 -0500 http://www.movabletype.org/?v=4.1 kim@andfam.net 180 By Christina Am I a cleanie friend? If I am, then take this to heart...cleanie's are overwhelmed ALL THE TIME. Or maybe it's just me. I can't stand a dirty house, but it's the imperfections I can't fix that seem to frustrate me the most. Noticing I really need a new light fixture or carpet right before a party does nothing for my peace of mind. In fact, it drives me crazy. Even in a totally clean house, I will still finds things that disturb me and I'm never happy....even in all that "clean". http://andfam.net/kimblog/archives/000656.html#c43348 43348:656@http://andfam.net/kimblog/ Am I a cleanie friend? If I am, then take this to heart...cleanie's are overwhelmed ALL THE TIME.

Or maybe it's just me.

I can't stand a dirty house, but it's the imperfections I can't fix that seem to frustrate me the most. Noticing I really need a new light fixture or carpet right before a party does nothing for my peace of mind. In fact, it drives me crazy. Even in a totally clean house, I will still finds things that disturb me and I'm never happy....even in all that "clean".

]]> Wed, 04 Apr 2007 11:18:34 -0500 By karen Dear Kim, From being your friend for ten plus years, I want you to know that though it seems that you still have the same problem with clutter that you have always had, you have made progress over the years. So from the bird's eye view and with the perspective of the years, things are moving in the right direction. You do have less clutter and you are better about picking up and keeping the house picked up. Your kitchen counters are less cluttered. You can get ready for company on a shorter notice than you did 7-8 years ago. So take encouragement from this. And by the way, us cleanies whine and complain and groan, too. Just about other things. http://andfam.net/kimblog/archives/000656.html#c43351 43351:656@http://andfam.net/kimblog/ Dear Kim,

From being your friend for ten plus years, I want you to know that though it seems that you still have the same problem with clutter that you have always had, you have made progress over the years.

So from the bird's eye view and with the perspective of the years, things are moving in the right direction. You do have less clutter and you are better about picking up and keeping the house picked up. Your kitchen counters are less cluttered. You can get ready for company on a shorter notice than you did 7-8 years ago.

So take encouragement from this.

And by the way, us cleanies whine and complain and groan, too. Just about other things.

]]> Wed, 04 Apr 2007 11:39:02 -0500 By BusyHSmom Are you a perfectionist? That could be part of the problem. I know it it mine. I am a true cleanie at heart...but I am so drilled in the "if you can't do it right, don't do it all" mindset that I often get paralyzed and do nothing. I want to do it RIGHT and thoroughly. And if I don't have time to do it that way, then I don't even start because it will drive me crazy...and when do I EVER have time to do it RIGHT???? Oh, and I soooo feel your pain on the pride issue. I don't want anyone to actually see or know if my house is messy...which, with 9 people in it, it usually is. I try to get over it. I pretend I am over it. I laugh and say that my messy house is my ministry of encouragement to others -- they can go home and think their house isn't so bad after all! But deep down inside it bugs me to death. I can't stand the clutter and dust bunnies and chaos. I want everything neat and tidy and organized. Sometimes I play the "if our house were bigger" card. I mean 2000 square feet isn't a lot for 9 people...but really, who am I fooling? I just need to get rid of more stuff and do better at putting away the stuff we have! And you know what is really, truly sad? I am down right good at organizing and cleaning other people's stuff! It is just mine that leaves me paralized at times. Talk about irony!! No solutions, but lots of sympathy! http://andfam.net/kimblog/archives/000656.html#c43355 43355:656@http://andfam.net/kimblog/ Are you a perfectionist? That could be part of the problem. I know it it mine. I am a true cleanie at heart...but I am so drilled in the "if you can't do it right, don't do it all" mindset that I often get paralyzed and do nothing. I want to do it RIGHT and thoroughly. And if I don't have time to do it that way, then I don't even start because it will drive me crazy...and when do I EVER have time to do it RIGHT????

Oh, and I soooo feel your pain on the pride issue. I don't want anyone to actually see or know if my house is messy...which, with 9 people in it, it usually is. I try to get over it. I pretend I am over it. I laugh and say that my messy house is my ministry of encouragement to others -- they can go home and think their house isn't so bad after all! But deep down inside it bugs me to death. I can't stand the clutter and dust bunnies and chaos. I want everything neat and tidy and organized. Sometimes I play the "if our house were bigger" card. I mean 2000 square feet isn't a lot for 9 people...but really, who am I fooling? I just need to get rid of more stuff and do better at putting away the stuff we have!

And you know what is really, truly sad? I am down right good at organizing and cleaning other people's stuff! It is just mine that leaves me paralized at times. Talk about irony!!

No solutions, but lots of sympathy!

]]> Wed, 04 Apr 2007 12:55:24 -0500 By BusyHSmom By the way, I forgot to say...your true friends who are cleanies will not be dismayed or disgusted. They will just want to help. So don't worry about it...let them HELP!!! http://andfam.net/kimblog/archives/000656.html#c43356 43356:656@http://andfam.net/kimblog/ By the way, I forgot to say...your true friends who are cleanies will not be dismayed or disgusted. They will just want to help. So don't worry about it...let them HELP!!!

]]> Wed, 04 Apr 2007 12:57:02 -0500 By Kim ROFL Michele, this is *exactly* the kind of thing I say! "I laugh and say that my messy house is my ministry of encouragement to others -- they can go home and think their house isn't so bad after all!" I say that about my "homeschooling style" too -- that I'm relaxed so that other people will feel good about all they get done. LOL!!!! But yeah, I am a perfectionist, although I'm sure no one would know it to look -- I'm what Dr. Kevil Lehman calls a "defeated perfectionist" or something like that. I don't do a LOT of things because I hate not doing them right. Often I don't really even know HOW to do them right, but I know that when I try and it's not done well/right I feel like it wasn't even worth trying. Like mopping my floor. I can never get it as clean as *I* think a mopped floor should be. I keep trying to live by the FlyLady's "even housework done poorly blesses your family" or whatever, but it's hard. Defeat comes so much more naturally to me. LOL! http://andfam.net/kimblog/archives/000656.html#c43357 43357:656@http://andfam.net/kimblog/ ROFL Michele, this is *exactly* the kind of thing I say!

"I laugh and say that my messy house is my ministry of encouragement to others -- they can go home and think their house isn't so bad after all!"

I say that about my "homeschooling style" too -- that I'm relaxed so that other people will feel good about all they get done. LOL!!!!

But yeah, I am a perfectionist, although I'm sure no one would know it to look -- I'm what Dr. Kevil Lehman calls a "defeated perfectionist" or something like that. I don't do a LOT of things because I hate not doing them right. Often I don't really even know HOW to do them right, but I know that when I try and it's not done well/right I feel like it wasn't even worth trying. Like mopping my floor. I can never get it as clean as *I* think a mopped floor should be.

I keep trying to live by the FlyLady's "even housework done poorly blesses your family" or whatever, but it's hard. Defeat comes so much more naturally to me. LOL!

]]> Wed, 04 Apr 2007 13:03:08 -0500 By Karen W Best wishes on your decluttering. I have no advice. I'm trying to figure it all out myself. Your messie friend. http://andfam.net/kimblog/archives/000656.html#c43362 43362:656@http://andfam.net/kimblog/ Best wishes on your decluttering. I have no advice. I'm trying to figure it all out myself.

Your messie friend.

]]> Wed, 04 Apr 2007 14:21:43 -0500 By melissa i totally understand what you are saying. i don't even like for my husband to help because he won't do it the way i would do it. (or he might throw something out that i'm not ready to let go of...) http://andfam.net/kimblog/archives/000656.html#c43372 43372:656@http://andfam.net/kimblog/ i totally understand what you are saying. i don't even like for my husband to help because he won't do it the way i would do it. (or he might throw something out that i'm not ready to let go of...)

]]> Wed, 04 Apr 2007 16:52:40 -0500 By Eowyn You are not a doofus! You are a sweetie. I wish I could ease the pressure you put on yourself. You do what you can and lots of people love you. God loves you. Being pregnant lets you off a lot of hooks, too, in my opinion! You're too busy to be a cleanie. (What's my excuse?? There must be one!) http://andfam.net/kimblog/archives/000656.html#c43403 43403:656@http://andfam.net/kimblog/ You are not a doofus! You are a sweetie. I wish I could ease the pressure you put on yourself. You do what you can and lots of people love you. God loves you. Being pregnant lets you off a lot of hooks, too, in my opinion! You're too busy to be a cleanie. (What's my excuse?? There must be one!)

]]> Wed, 04 Apr 2007 22:05:47 -0500 By Eowyn Kim! Last night in bed I thought of a brilliant solution for you (and me)! We should ask another MESSIE to help us bring order to our chaos. This way the helper will be sensitive and not cold-hearted to our need for at least some of this stuff and will understand our foibles completely. But she'll also know that we really do want more order in our lives and she'll want to help us. It will work, I think, because I used to babysit for someone who was a Messie and whenever I was there I would clean her kitchen, wanting to help her and enjoying bringing order to her kitchen without being responsible for every little messy part of her house. If you go with this plan your Messie friend might even let you whine and complain because she feels your pain, too! Too bad I live so many, many miles away, I would come and clean but do it so sympathetically you'd want me as a live-in maid. : ) (OK, a live-in maid is really the most brilliant answer to both of our problems, but not so very realistic, alas.) http://andfam.net/kimblog/archives/000656.html#c43433 43433:656@http://andfam.net/kimblog/ Kim! Last night in bed I thought of a brilliant solution for you (and me)! We should ask another MESSIE to help us bring order to our chaos. This way the helper will be sensitive and not cold-hearted to our need for at least some of this stuff and will understand our foibles completely. But she'll also know that we really do want more order in our lives and she'll want to help us. It will work, I think, because I used to babysit for someone who was a Messie and whenever I was there I would clean her kitchen, wanting to help her and enjoying bringing order to her kitchen without being responsible for every little messy part of her house. If you go with this plan your Messie friend might even let you whine and complain because she feels your pain, too! Too bad I live so many, many miles away, I would come and clean but do it so sympathetically you'd want me as a live-in maid. : ) (OK, a live-in maid is really the most brilliant answer to both of our problems, but not so very realistic, alas.)

]]> Thu, 05 Apr 2007 07:44:31 -0500 By Betsy Kim: I agree with Karen that you've come a long way. Even the fact that you're thinking and planning about this rummage sale this early, when it doesn't even take place until weeks from now, says that you don't leave everything until the last minute. Having said that...I want to encourage you to allow yourself to be vulnerable. You mentioned pride. "Pride goeth before a fall." Is it possible that your enemy keeps you enslaved to a less-than-desirable lifestyle, because he doesn't want to see you set free? Your true friends, like Karen, are not judging you. We see way beyond the exteriors, to the beautiful person you are in Christ. And we don't want to see you in such turmoil over something that you really do want to overcome. So allow others to share your burden, and don't let pride keep you from that. As far as the whole thing being so tiring...set a time limit. Purpose to work with Karen for, say, three hours. And then, you both stop. You're done for the day! And you will have things to take to the sale. Hope this helps. You are loved! ~Betsy http://andfam.net/kimblog/archives/000656.html#c43455 43455:656@http://andfam.net/kimblog/ Kim:

I agree with Karen that you've come a long way. Even the fact that you're thinking and planning about this rummage sale this early, when it doesn't even take place until weeks from now, says that you don't leave everything until the last minute.

Having said that...I want to encourage you to allow yourself to be vulnerable. You mentioned pride. "Pride goeth before a fall." Is it possible that your enemy keeps you enslaved to a less-than-desirable lifestyle, because he doesn't want to see you set free? Your true friends, like Karen, are not judging you. We see way beyond the exteriors, to the beautiful person you are in Christ. And we don't want to see you in such turmoil over something that you really do want to overcome. So allow others to share your burden, and don't let pride keep you from that.

As far as the whole thing being so tiring...set a time limit. Purpose to work with Karen for, say, three hours. And then, you both stop. You're done for the day! And you will have things to take to the sale.

Hope this helps. You are loved! ~Betsy

]]> Thu, 05 Apr 2007 11:15:25 -0500 By Linda First of all, I've watched you do stuff and you have nothing to be embarrassed about. I clean and organize better with other people around; I find it too lonely to do alone. And I long ago accepted that I'm a pig in some ways, and that if my friends are really to get to know me, I have to let them see that, too. The thing I hate most is going thru paperwork and catalogs. I'm a catalog junkie, and have a hard time throwing them away. Uck. http://andfam.net/kimblog/archives/000656.html#c43532 43532:656@http://andfam.net/kimblog/ First of all, I've watched you do stuff and you have nothing to be embarrassed about. I clean and organize better with other people around; I find it too lonely to do alone. And I long ago accepted that I'm a pig in some ways, and that if my friends are really to get to know me, I have to let them see that, too. The thing I hate most is going thru paperwork and catalogs. I'm a catalog junkie, and have a hard time throwing them away. Uck.

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