sometimes where you end is where God wants to start.

Maybe you do need to take a technology break. Go back to only the bare minimum events in your life - going to church, going to the store, and maybe one place as a family per week. No computer, no email and get yourself back into the Word.

Or if that seems way too drastic, put a little count up kitchen timer near your computer and time yourself on all your computer time. That would tell you if you are spending too much time there.

I've been reading Debi Pearl's book on being a help meet to your husband. One of her points on the chapter on being a keeper at home is that to be a keeper at home, we have to stay at home and not be always on the go. And she does count computer time as "not being at home". I think she has a very good point.

Or you could put the computer downstairs in the basement. That would be enough to limit your time to just the basic emails, wouldn't it? :)

Sorry that you are feeling so discouraged lately.

I'm there, too. And I have NOTHING of value to add. I could give you a list of "do this" or "don't do that" but those equal legalism, not a true heartfelt desire to draw near. No, I know desire isn't your problem.

But He promises He will draw near if you do. You might not see, hear or feel Him, but He IS there. Take that and move forward from there.

it sounds like you feel you are in a rut. we all have felt that way from time to time. the Bible says if we draw nigh to God, He will draw nigh to us. if you are trying to draw near, He is certainly not backing away. just keep praying, reading scripture, and allowing yourself to be encouraged. the devil just wants to keep you in a state of limbo, where you feel powerless and useless. don't let him. claim the promises God has given His children. don't give up! *hugs*

Kim, I've been where you are and I have come to the conclusion: "IT'S NOT ABOUT HOW I FEEL!!!"

If you are attempting to move in the right direction (toward God), and you are doing what is right according to the Word of God, then put your feelings in a bag and close it! Just know that there are times in life (and you've just gone thru one of the major ones) when your feelings will fake you out, they are not to be trusted. Go with what you KNOW!

Praying for you, Friend!

A mentor once said to me: "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten."

So sometimes, you need to do something different.

Betsy

(((((((((Kim))))))))))

I never have the "right" words, but I want you to know I care, and am praying.

Hi Kim, I don't have a lot of wisdom to share right now, but I was directed to your old blog from a comment somewhere on Rosanne's blog and it took me to an entry about this same time last year. You said something about knowing you need to cut back on your computer time. You know, that is one reason I left the QF Haven...too much time spent. I didn't want my children to remember me by the back of my head. It's not easy, and you are also going through caffeine withdrawal too, so it (the computer time) would be very hard to give up. But, ask yourself if it is what God wants from you? He asked his disciples if they couldn't just spend one hour in prayer. Is God asking you to spend more time with Him, less time online? One thing my dad said to me last Saturday right after his mother died the same day, was that he didn't want to get on the computer because it reminded him that he could have spent that time with his mother instead of on the computer. He lived with her, taking care of her while his house is being rebuilt. I don't know how much time he "wasted" but it's a good lesson to me. My children are only young for a while so I'm trying to reduce my time online, doing it while they are in bed, either in the am or the pm. Stuff to think about... Love, Kathy

maybe it's not about how you feel, but maybe your feelings are telling you something. God gave us emotions like he gave us nerves - they may mislead us, but they often are telling us something, be it a pulled muscle, a bruise, or a sense that we ought to be closer to God.

I agree with Betsy - do something different. The times I've actually heard God talk to me (few and far between) are when I've set time aside to fast and pray for at least a half day, or (for me) occasionally when writing poetry or gardening.

I can almost guarantee that God would meet you in different ways. For me figuring out what works has come by trial and error: I've learned that (so far) journaling doesn't help me, nor does taking walks while I pray, nor does taking communion, nor does lighting a candle and praying in a dark room, nor does reading Scripture out loud, nor does "crying it out" for long periods before God, nor does praying slowly and thoughtfully through the Lord's Prayer... et cetera.

But I had to try all those things and more, and obviously some need to be a part of my life even if they don't "feel" like anything ever happens.

I've read lots of books and tried all the ideas I could bear to try (sorry, couldn't handle dancing before the Lord even behind a closed door, nor imagining I was a flower and God was like the shining on my beautiful face! Aiee!)

I had to set aside time. For me, I had to give up the blog, give up visiting all the blogs I used to visit, and possibly give up Flickr. I had to give away a lot of my arts and crafts stuff to be done with it. I had to cancel magazines and catalogs so that new time-wasting temptations wouldn't arrive in the mailbox.

These have not all been easy changes to make, and sometimes they feel like cutting your foot off, and the worst part is that the distraction re-grows in other forms (blog instead of webpage, Flickr instead of blog, beads instead of Fimo clay, etc) and I have to keep dealing with it again and again. I think us rich Americans are all weedy soil and constantly in danger of having our love for God (and awareness of Him) choked out by all the other things in our lives. At least I feel that way - that I can't just try and "cut back" on things, I need to do some serious weeding and chopping out, make radical changes and keep making them. It isn't a lot of fun. But then again it's better than feeling stuck.

Harder than giving up things, though, is the fact that I've had to swallow my pride and, for a few seasons, ask Daniel if I could have a regular time off during the week where either he watches the kids or I hire a sitter (a high school age friend). He's been entirely supportive of that, but it is still so hard to ask.

Having regular scheduled time where I'm accountable by needing Daniel or by paying a sitter REALLY helps me stick to a time weekly where it I actually spend time trying to hear God (and very occasionally hearing Him) - and that in turn helps me keep my priorities straight(er) during the week . My mind chatters and drifts less often when I've spent some time in the recent past seeking God in the ways that God seems to meet me (again, discovered through trial and error... I'd start with ideas that appeal to you and sound 'fun' - really!)

hope that helps instead of sounding preachy.... ;o/ either way I will be praying that God will draw near to you in ways you can feel and not just "intellectually know".

Hi, Kim. You maybe know that I've been where you're at, too. I think He has a different road for each of His children to travel, and this spot that you're at is part of His plan for you. My only thought is that God wants us to pursue Him. Do whatever you can, whenever you can to know Him better, and tell Him often that you want a closer relationship. Then, just trust and obey. Wait on His timing, believing it will be perfect. He knows your heart.

It seems in my life as if He has recently allowed me to move closer to Him, and I think a lot about why He did, and why now? All I can come up with is that my steady though imperfect pursuit of a closer walk with Him finally, perfectly coincided with His time for that very thing.

(This theory could be proven wrong in time! I really hope it won't be, and am entirely willing to give all the praise and glory to Jesus.) : )