I'm not dead yet!

(although you'll have to wait until maybe next week for me to finish the quote with the "I feel happy!" part)

I keep forgetting you don't get the posts I write in my head. It would be so much easier if you did.

yesterday was day 1 caffeine free. I did drink a cup of *just* decaf, and I know that does have a little caffeine in it. But close enough. I figure I'll drink decaf for a week, then drop it in favor of decaf tea.

Anyway, yes, my head does still hurt some. It's more come-and-go now. Sometimes when it doesn't hurt it feels ... squeezed. Hard to explain, but it's a very intense feeling. Yesterday was particularly bad in the squeezy pressure feeling and sensitivity to noise and chaos. Of which my house seemed full. But we survived, and I'm hoping today will be a little better. I am not really sure whether today will be better or worse. Technically I think yesterday would have been the worst, being the actual first day all decaffeinated, but I am wondering if cutting back slowly will keep my body hoping longer. I don't know. I've never really cut back slowly and successfully before.

Someone asked why I was quitting. I used to have a post about me and caffeine and our on-and-off-again bad-boyfriend type relationship. Apparently I took it down at one point. Maybe I'll scrounge it up and repost it. But suffice it to say that caffeine is like that for me, the bad boyfriend who you kick out and they come back sweet talking, promising to change, and then when you take them back they're just as awful to you as before. When I'm *on* caffeine it takes caffeine just to bring me up to normal. I'm tired all the time, my moods are less level, my motivation goes with my moods and alertness, needing caffeine just to keep me sort of normal. It's a controlling drug. And I feed headaches caffeine out of fear of withdrawal. I always think it'll be different and it never is.

When I'm off caffeine (once I'm over the hump, that is) I am more alert without it than I ever am with it (other than the honeymoon days when I've had some after a long time without) ... my moods are more level, and I don't live feeling controlled by it.

Good reasons to quit, eh?

Plus I've just been having random headaches and feeling down a lot in the last 6 months, and I can't really accurately ascertain how headachey and/or depressed I might really be until I rule out the obvious things like caffeine.

So ... blah blah blah!

I have some other posts in my head, like the one of the Art From The Past. And I'll need your help with some living room decor arranging. But I've rambled on enough for today.

Have a good Wednesday!

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Dear Local Reader Friends,

Our church is putting on a children's musical on March 15th at 6:30 pm. Gark and Eminoodle have lead roles (!!!) and Tobi-wan is singing in the choir. We'd love to have you come and see them! :-)

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