June 25, 2008
One of Those Days
It's another one of those days ... I think I have too many of them.
Our morning was spent simply trying to get the 'daily' chores done. They were done yesterday, so how did they get so out of control or take so long this morning?
I gestured to the posted schedule/list and explained how the before breakfast jobs should be done before breakfast, and that ideally the after breakfast jobs would be done by 10 (we do have a late breakfast and slower start than some industrious families, especially during the summer) and that would give us a nice 2 hour block to enjoy relaxing and playing in the clean house before lunch and lunch chores. They all looked at me rather blankly.
Some barely found time for lunch before quiet time began, squeezing their last chores in in a panic. One chose to miss lunch rather than complete the assigned work (which was by no means too much for the child). Several lost their computer and technology time for the day, as well.
And yet, it doesn't seem to matter to them. They are as content to lose official desired play times/privileges as they are to squirrel away the morning playing in 10 minute bursts before being caught and sent to finish their work.
We have had good times, good seasons, where they seem to engage in their work quickly and take pride in a job well done, and look forward to being done to move on to bigger and better things. But this has not been the case lately.
Little ones sometimes nap well and sometimes rest well and other days don't ... today was a don't. While they were relatively quiet (a requirement of quiet time) they were not asleep, which led to extra potty breaks and such, which led to many interruptions to my dozing, which meant I never really took the *nap* my tired pregnant body seems to need right now.
So somehow we muddled through and most of the jobs were done adequately by some point, the house never really had that clean, fresh, and done feel to it. Add to that one tired and crabby and worn out mommy, and it means all the other things on my mind reduce me to tears.
We're reaching a stage with my older daughter where she wants to do more Youthy things. I am willing to begin to grant some additional privileges and responsibilities, but the options available are not always what I would choose. Our church is big and huge and, from what I see helping with the children's choir during the school year, the youth group spends a lot of time running around unsupervised in the hallway, giggling and being cliquey and looking very much like I remember junior high. I would love for my daughter to be involved with some other girls growing into young ladies, but I am not seeing the youth group as the best path to that. I would like to hang out with other like-minded families, but those we are closest to do not have girls in the same age range. I don't want to "throw out the baby with the bathwater" with the church and youth group -- certainly there are some good people involved and some good things happening. But I can not sort out how to add the good without taking the package deal - in fact, sometimes the few things we have interacted with have seemed like high pressure sales pitches for the whole program, and that does not seem to be what we want or need right now.
I don't really know where this is headed. I'm spending time in the Word and prayer over all this, but right now feel like I'm spinning my wheels. Maybe because I keep crying, thus making slippery mud beneath me. Don't overanalyze that, I just said it because it sounded funny. So I could end on a light note. Ha. ha. huh.
Posted by Kim at June 25, 2008 4:22 PMNo advice on the chores thing. I just said to myself this morning that I'm tired of doing all the work around the house. (yes, I talk to myself out loud) But I did manage to get them (my older two) into action when I came in from running my errands in a bad mood. I hate having to be grumpy to get a response.
The youth thing is hard. We "do" youth group, so this isn't coming from someone who steers away from them altogether. You may want to pick and chose the activities. It may seem hard at first, but in looking back this is something I wish we had done more. You really don't have to acept the whole package. One thing I find lacking is the youth groups lack of helping out in the church in general. If yours offers any opportunities to minister, let her do that. Sunday school is usually better than Wed. night service. And being in a leadership position within the group usually puts them closer to the youth pastors and, in theory, closer to more mature examples. Those are just some thoughts. I hope you're able to wade through this.
Posted by: Shari at June 25, 2008 7:09 PMKim - - - I love you so much. You know, I read your blog because it makes me feel better to know there is someone else going through the same sludge that I do. And we look to the same God Who lifts our heads and makes us know that even though we feel this way, it won't last forever.
I so know what you mean about youth -- too bad F1 wasn't a girl or Iliacat wasn't a boy. They could be great friends and do that growing into adulthood thing together. We've gone to a different church now since we bought the new house and it is so very small - no youth group to speak of. I like it this way. F1 sits in on the big service with me and isn't expected to go elsewhere. I think that that is where so many "youth groups" go wrong - they allow the youth to still be treated like children (even expect them to behave worse that how we would allow our six year olds to behave) and don't work at teaching them how to be mature adults.
Call me. I'm back at the new house now - maybe you guys could drive up here one day (how's Friday???) and the kids could all play in my big yard and you could chill out in my easy chair. CALL ME!!!! (or email...that would work too) :)
Posted by: Barbie at June 25, 2008 7:11 PMWe're dealing with chore issues with our 8yo dd too. We're trying something new starting this week. She has a chart for the week. Must bring it to us to get each chore checked off. If she doesn't do it well or doesn't do something she is told to do, she loses $0.25 of allowance for each time. After 8 times in a week, she starts losing 30 minutes of tv or computer time. It's working so far.
Posted by: C.C. aka LorelaiCC at June 25, 2008 7:53 PMWe've just had to rededicate ourselves to the work issue too. Our children were doing their jobs on time but complaining about it. So we sat them down again and reminded them of how they are supposed to work. Now I'm coming down hard on them until they get back to where they were before. So far, one child has 10 minutes of computer time, one has 5 and two have none. I guess you need to find something that really hurts to get the point across.
Posted by: karen at June 25, 2008 10:40 PM(((Kim))) You have not been far from my thoughts all day today. I am praying, thinking, praying some more. Hugs, Robin
Posted by: Robin at June 25, 2008 11:52 PMP.S. I wish we lived closer because we have a few in the same age rage. :) Hugs, Robin
Posted by: Robin at June 25, 2008 11:54 PMYou mean on some days your house has a clean, done feel? Man, I'm so jealous!
During the school year I do post chores to be done before and after each mealtime. If you don't get your before meal chores done, no meal. If you don't get your after meal chores done, no playtime. But during the summer, I just post what has to get done that day and a deadline time and they do it when they want. As long as it gets done it's all good.
Quiet time when you're pregnant, now that's non-negotiable. Is there a Blair around that you can hire to keep peace for your nap each day? Lots of Christian, homeschooled teen girls would be interested in a two-hour job each week day.
I'm where you are with the youth thing. In our big church, youth camp is required. You can't even be a church member if you don't send your kids to camp. I will NOT. I can't be there to personally supervise, so the kids don't go. Period. The kids have their "section" in the sanctuary where they all sit together - right in the front, which is good and bad. And most of the activities are just hangouts. Those activities that focus on serving others instead of entertaining self, man, we're there.
Posted by: Peggy at June 26, 2008 10:31 AMCrying and making slippery mud underneath? How beautifully poetic. Really.
Ah, the teen years. Hope other moms with teenage daughters can give you some good advice and support. I don't have a clue!
Posted by: Linda at June 26, 2008 9:31 PMHi Kim, you are so real to me, it's amazing.
I've tagged you at my blog. Come check it out. I hope it brings out the writer in you!
HUGS
Terra
