exercise update and some griping

exercise update

been a long walking month ... forgot to update all my tickers, but I'm keeping track here. Walking challenge buddies, get out your spoons for the dust eating:

94 for the month, 404 for the year. Go me!

I also started a new excercise thing which seems kind of weird but effective. I started doing the Basic Plus T-Tapp workout (search YouTube for some of the moves, mini workouts, or try them on their site) and also got her walking workout, Step Away The Inches. The T-Tapp SATI is interesting because it gives some techniques you can use in any walking program and it really really increases the intensity. I am so not kidding. It's amazing. I just started the walking thing this week, the first DVD I received was a dud, but they graciously sent me a new one. Anyway, I can't wait to see in a month or two how much difference it makes in the inches ... but whoa my legs and hips are impressed with the extra effort the Ttapp alignment makes.

In other related and good news, I finally hit 20 lbs off my high. yay. It took awhile, I stalled out there. But it appears I'm back on track.

I'm tired today though, not enough sleep and a clingy two year old who woke at 2 am and 6 am ... so that's all I've got to say.

Sorry I've been neglecting the blog and blog buddies. I still love you. Kissy kissy.

I forgot what I was going to gripe about. Oh yeah. Blog spam. Can't weed through it fast enough. It's wearing me out. only a few comments squeeze through to get posted, but many still are asking for approval that I have to dump. Tired of it. So. very. tired.

Zoooooo Day

hi!

here I am.

I bet you thought I was busy. Or maybe wasting time elsewhere.

But here I am. I was at the zoo today with my extended family.

See? Here we all are:

That's My mom, my sister & I, and our children, 10 grandkids all together. Poppie and The Grand Lunar aren't in the pic because they were the photographers.

I took way too many pictures (as usual) and am too tired to weed through them all to give you too many and overwhelm the dial up folk. So here's just two more.

The initial results of blue and green cotton candy. Gives a whole new meaning to Bluetooth, right?:

And ... wait, what was my other picture?

Oh yeah. The creepy sheep. This is the closest I get to farm animals. And this was only to prove how creepy sheep are.

So ... the zoo was fun and I'm tired and half-incoherent.

Yesterday's Steps

Bigger with more contrast, for my friend with the aging eyes ;-)

Today's steps yet to be determined.

First Day Of Sprinkling

It was 83 here and the children persuaded me to get out the sprinkler.

But first ~ here's a pic I promised Carrie -- for Carrie and Nik, who I miss very much.

Left to Right ~ Little D, Gark, Tobi-Wan (he was the baby when you were here, Nik! He's 6 now, can you believe it?) Buzz (in the mud hole), Iliacat, and Eminoodle.

And now:

Sprinklers + Sun = Thirsty Children:

Sprinklers + Fun = Leapin' Children:

And, of course, Sprinklers + Dirt = Mud:

A good walking day, and Jell-O Take 2

Here's the Jell-O mentioned in my previous post.

Pretty, huh?

And just for fun, here's my (um, dusty) pedometer so far today ...

It's been a pretty good walking day, too.

Fun Mom Times Three

I did three fun things today. I don't think any of them were on the list (although I DID do some list things, too -- not the fun ones, the boring daily work things)

1.) I learned how to grill. LOL. I had The Grand Lunar coach me via email how to prep the kettle grill and how to do the charcoal and when to put the food on and all of that. It took a little longer than I planned, but I made a good dinner, I grilled hot dogs and bratwurst and some red potatoes, and we had a nice McDougally spicy pasta side dish and a big salad to go with.

2.) I made another - different - rainbow jello. When I was first telling my friend Chris about it, she told me she makes one with layers of creamy pastel in between. I decided to sort of kind of follow that idea, I made the 4-serving boxes of jello with 1 cup boiling water. I made a mixture of 8 oz. cream cheese and 8 oz sour cream, blended together. Then I blended ~1/4 cup of that mixture in with each color jello, and poured it in layers in a glass pan, allowing 45 minutes in between to set. It's pretty. I'll post a picture later ... It would be fun to do in a fancy bundt pan or something.

3.) I took the kids to the park after dinner. I left the dishes to soak in really hot water, and it's still pretty warm now, so I should wrap up this entry and go wash them now that they're tucked in. The park is just down the block, and has swings, a big slide, and a sand box. Nothing fancy, but we like it. Actually we like it a little better than the fancy parks. The other park nearby they JUST this past month tore out the big swings, monkey bars, and jungle gym. I suppose they're going to put in some of the newfangled plastic coated stuff, and it won't be as cool. Those were cool when they were rare, but ... we like swings and monkey bars!

Anyway, I also gave the two youngest baths when we got home, which for them counts as a fun mom thing. They'd bathe several times a day if I let them.

But now my dishes need bathing, so I'm off to finish the work I put off to be a fun mom.

It's some sort of miracle, not ONLY that I did Three Fun Things but ALSO that I'm going to keep working now. LOL.

what did you do today?

Some Things I Could Do Today

Here is a partial list of things I could be doing instead of sitting here blogging. They are in no order and I make no promises of them ever getting done.

-the dishes soaking in cold scummy water in the sink, that started out in hot soapy water with good intentions

-the laundry that needs to be folded, waiting in the bedroom

-install the remaining smoke detectors in bedrooms. Don't worry, I did the minimum every-level-of-the-house hallway ones. But I bought more for each bedroom and now they're sitting helpfully in the cupboard. I'm not saying for how long they've lived there.

-sand and clean the rust spots in the LOCKERS so that I can prime, paint, and install them before the children have grown and moved out

-clean the little boys' room and remove excess toys so they can, theoretically, help keep it clean

-hem the curtains in the little boys room so they don't pile up on the top of the built in cupboards ....

-finish chiseling the holes for the poles so that our back gate opens, shuts, and latches correctly.

-make a different kind of rainbow jello salad because now I'm on a "what can you do with jello" kick

-clean and declutter any one of the million cluttered level surfaces in my home

-sweep up the several pounds of cereal around the dining room table

-mop the sticky kitchen floor and try not to think about how it got so sticky

-wash the bedroom walls in preparation for painting them so that eventually our bedroom will look decorated.

-paint the living room

-paint the planned way-cool timeline on the living room wall

-convert spelling curriculum into some sort of magic independent study lessons

-delete hundreds of mostly un-posted "waiting for approval" blog comments

-check email ... I just got a "yahoo!" indicating an email from the Grand Lunar, so out of this whole (incomplete!) list, I think I'll start with this item.

Maybe I forget because I'm old.

Thanks to everyone for your nice words and sympathy and what-not on my insane gray hair post.

Kudos (the granola candy-bar kind, yum) to Peggy and Kelly for pointing me back where my sights belong ~ on God's standard.

Did you know God has something to say about gray hair? I did. But I forgot. I forget. Again and again.

I don't even consider myself wanting to "follow the world" -- I know how messed up our culture is. But boy do I drift easily!

Proverbs 16:31
   Gray hair is a crown of splendor;
     it is attained by a righteous life.

Psalm 25:6-8
6 Remember, O LORD, your great mercy and love,
   for they are from of old.
7 Remember not the sins of my youth
   and my rebellious ways;
     according to your love remember me,
     for you are good, O LORD.
8 Good and upright is the LORD;
   therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.

The Bible tells me, again, that gray hairs are not to be ashamed of. They are a crown of splendor.

While we are young, it is our youth and strength that is glorified. But the standard changes as we age, and at some point our gray hair is a sign of our maturity. Of course, this is not to say that everyone matures equally as they age; Certainly we can all think of some very wise and mature youth, and we can think of some foolish older people.

But, for my part, I know I was rebellious and sinful in my youth; For the longest time I prided myself on being rebellious, I did not even realize that God saw it as a sin. I indulged my rebellion and covered up my sins. The Lord saw. And in His great mercy He not only forgave me, but He called me back, again and again, to the Truth, to His way. He did not leave me to go my own rebellious direction, a path that ends in death and destruction. He reminded me, again and again, that His ways are true, that He is the living God. He has instructed me in His ways, reminded me of the Truth. Sent me good friends to point me back to the Word when I start drifting on faulty auto-pilot.

So I take back my complaining about my graying hair. It may not reflect that I'm mature, but I will cherish it as a sign that He IS maturing me. He will not leave me to the folly of my youth, but will complete the good work He has started in me, for His glory.

And that's what's really important.

In Which I Attempt to Blame Produce ...

I spend all week thinking about the projects I could tackle on the weekend. All those bigger things that slip through my fingers in daily weekday busy work seem to shine with the promise of Saturday.

When Saturday comes I inevitably waste the day.

I'm not even really sure what I did today.

I think part of the problem is that the daily living stuff takes up more of a normal day than I count. The littlest one still gets to nurse throughout the day, necessitating my sitting quietly and, in a housework sense, unproductively. (Of course I am not saying it is not good to nurse the little ones. I am simply saying that they eat up (pun intended) many minutes of Saturdays, just like they do weekdays.) The laundry still needs to be gathered, washed, and dried. The children still need to be supervised through their tasks. Dishes still need to be washed.

And then there's the meals.

I am blessed to have some children who really enjoy artichokes. Especially the baby ones, which were on sale this past week at our favorite store. I bought one package of 9, which was gone in one quick lunch, and more was requested. So I bought 3 packs of 12 on my next visit. This morning I rinsed them, cut them, removed the small, pointy outer leaves, and steamed them (with most of the outer leaves still intact, we eat the baby ones much like the bigger ones, only there's no scooping out of the choke, it's all edible in there! Hooray!) But prepping 36 small artichokes took quite a while, really. Especially during the part where I was "helped" by the 2 year old with the artichoke rinsing and such.

After lunch the little ones still need to be corralled and sent to the potty / diapers changed and get their story and pre-nap routine and tucked in for naps. And of course I sometimes still need MY nap.

Little ones still wake cranky on weekends, as well as weekdays, and just want to sit and snuggle all afternoon. They still interrupt my purposeful stride towards the trash can which needs emptying, or need a juice cup filled just before I take the laundry to the basement, and often by the time I come back to the task I've forgotten it or been several-times-sidetracked, just like a normal work weekday.

And then there's the dinner, in which rinsing and hulling and slicing 3 pounds of strawberries, and cutting up carrots, red peppers, and cucumbers, as well as sausage and cheese with crackers for an "easy" finger food dinner ... and suddenly it seems I've spent the better part of the evening over the cutting board.

Not that the fruits and veggies aren't good. They just take so LONG.

I can't tell you how often I skip the healthy salad lunch because I don't want to mess with all the veggie prep.

No, literally, I can't tell you how often because in this post I'm using the veggies as an excuse for not getting other things done. So we'll have to pretend I regularly slave over the cutting board.

Anyway, here it is, 7 pm on a Saturday evening - pre-church evening requiring baths and making sure laundry is washed and folded and available for tomorrow. There's really less time on a Saturday evening than a weekday evening for projects and things.

All day long I've wandered the house with projects and home improvement dreams in my head. Not the ones where you redecorate a room or build an addition. I'm talking home improvement as in decluttering the book shelves or organizing the toy cupboard to make those things functional parts of the home.

And all day long I've managed to do ... as usual ... the bare minimum of the must-be-dones.

I am frustrated with my wasting of time, which is spattered throughout the day, gobbling down the little minutes between necessary things.

If I could learn to use the little minutes, instead of viewing life as needing big chunks of time for big projects, I would get so much done.

If I would keep on keeping on, rather than looking for breaks and self indulgences, I could be a productive woman.

That's my dream, anyway.

Some Saturday it's gonna come true.

You missed the good hair moment

I had a good hair day going.

Or thought I did.

Somewhere after putting the Sebastian Potion 9 on after the shower and when it's fully dry and I start to push my hair out of my face, there's a short period when my hair looks pretty good. The curls hang together in ringlets, not too frizzy, and the front looks kind of styled and nice.

That window was about 10 minutes today, and it was around the time the mailman came, requesting $5.95 postage due. Which I paid in change, because I had no bills. But at least it was during my good hair moment. I hope he appreciated it.

At least ... I thought it was a good hair moment.

After that I pulled the front back (to keep from running my fingers through it and ruining it) and had Iliacat take a picture in the sun, so you could see the ringlets in all their good hair glory.

Except ... when I came in and dumped the pix from the camera, I saw this:

Do you see that? What color would you call it? Come on, you can say it, it's not like it's not there in plain sight. It's not even "dark brown, graying fast" is it? It's just plain gray! except for maybe those tips of ex-henna at the very bottom.

I reasoned that it might be the blindingly bright sun, washing out the color. And of course the shiny healthiness reflecting the bright sun and blue sky.

So we took another picture, in the shade. Mostly.

Uh ... do you see the problem here?

That one is very gray, too.

Is that really what my hair looks like? Am I in such severe denial that I thought it at least still looked sort of brown?!!?

Worse yet, there are no clearly defined bouncin' and behavin' ringlets. There's just fuzzy ringlets and frizz.

I had my hopes set on proof that I had a good hair day, and a great picture to document that maybe I CAN grow my hair long AND nice looking. That maybe, even, it would grow long and lovely and curly, and not get thin and frizzy like my last pathetic attempt at long hair.

But ... apparently the good hair moment was only in my imagination. There's the proof staring at us.

Yikes.

Let's give them something to blog about ...

Here are some random things. (I have a vague feeling I'm supposed to be doing a meme ... uh ... I'll do that tomorrow. Unless I can incorporate them into today's entry? Hm ... let me go see what Barbie tagged me about. ... ..... .. .... ..... ....(and she trails off with excessive and erratic ellipsi, leaves you hanging, calling over her shoulder, "Help yourself to a scoop of nutella while I'm gone.")

Oh yeah, here it is. 8 Random Things About Me. I can work that into my pre-planned (ha!) rambles.

1.) Today I got a blister trying to pound out what I thought was a thin cement pad under some bricks along the side of our sidewalk. Turns out it's at least 6" thick and while we made progress, not enough. More pounding tomorrow. So glad I bought myself a baby sledge hammer a while back!

2.) When I get email from my husband, my computer yells "Yahooo!"

3.) Um ... I haven't done tonight's dishes yet because I was out pounding, and then I was smacking.

4.) Oh yeah, I wanted to tell you about Smack. There's this site called Jellyfish and you can sign up there, then go there before you shop online, and places registered with them give you a cashback rebate. Kind of like eBates. Ebates? don't know which way they cap that. Anyway, if you already are shopping at some of those places, you may as well get a rebate, eh?

5.) That didn't really tell you about the Smack part, though. They (jellyfish) also have Smack shopping where during a show they bring products up one at a time and the price slowly drops and you don't know how many they're selling, but if you want it you're torn between waiting for the price to drop and not wanting to miss out. If you don't want to buy it, you can still guess what % off it'll go for, and if you're the closest you get 'guru' points, which is fun.

6.) I'm not really tellng you much about myself, am I? I can't think of much you don't already know, besides the blister, which I already mentioned. Oh, and sitting on the cold cement while leaning and pounding turns out to be really hard on my hips and back. I'm stiff and achy and feeling very old now.

7.) I have really bad astigmatism; the times I've tried to get contacts I've had to get the super duty way off the charts expensive ultra-weighted ones, and they still never sit right. So ... bummer. I'm sure I'd be very cute in contacts.

8.) You already know about my two-tone hair in high school, but did you know it was green for awhile? No, not very cool lime green or not-so-bad-school-color-Spartan-green, but pretty scary-bad grayish-moss-green. Which came from when I tried to dye it back after it was two-tone. The "ash brown" reds washed away leaving "ash brown gray" over "bleached so white it screamed" and made a lovely grayish green color. Which I then dyed auburn to cancel out the green (color theory at it's finest) and it mostly worked, except in bright sunlight, when people would suddenly notice "hey, your hair looks greenish on top." -- I grew that out for over a year and had almost all one-color, natural hair when I suddenly decided to dye it plum, in college. And from then on it changed color monthly. But I have always been fond of the plum.

9.) Maybe I should give you a bonus thing about me, since many of these things are lame. Um ... Um ... Did I ever tell you about the time in college during exam week when I'd been up studying for something like three days straight, and it was the end of the week when almost everyone else has gone home or is done and partying, but I still had one exam? And at 3 am I was awakened to this weird loud buzzing sound. I jumped up and turned off my alarm clock (I had one of those ones where the little clapper vibrates on the big bell thingies), but the noise continued. So I stared at the clock for a long time. Then tried turning the alarm back ON. But that didn't help either. I looked around the room and couldn't place the noise. I heard people outside in the hall and went to ask them if they could hear it. When I opened the door, there wasn't anyone hanging out nearby, so I shut the door and headed back for bed. Then I realized that the noise had been louder when the door was opened. So I opened it up again, just to check. And it was LOUD and almost seemed to be shaking the whole hall. And I thought, "That's strange." and then it dawned on me it was the fire alarms. And I couldn't remember whether I was supposed to wear shoes or not if the fire alarm went off. I went in and found my shoes and eventually made it outside.

It turns out it was one of those exam week party false alarms.

Which, I guess, in my case, was lucky.

So ... there you go. 8 things plus one that are, sort of, in the spirit of the meme. And I'm tagging the first 8 people who read this. Who, I believe, judging from my recent junk comments, will all be spammers. It will be nice to hear from them, don't you think? I am sure you are as curious as I am about my friends "low prices evrpure" and "ZZzz" and "auto insurance low price" -- so, spambots, take it away!

Oh, but any real people reading this can do it, too. No, really.

Things that make you go "oof"

Oof.

Ooof.

I think I'd rather be a crazed bird than a sad mad cow.

Although, really, I think I'm a mutant mixture of both. I'm the crazed weeping cow flying at the car mirror.

No WAY !!!

No WAY Liz, No WAY!

What are the odds?

Doing my homework ... er ... our ... her homework

SO Iliacat had a little project for her literature group, to make a family tree

she asked if I knew the names of some relatives, and I said that one of the Grand Lunar's relatives is a genealogist, so I went off to dig for the sheets we'd been sent.

And to surf the web trying to find obituaries of my relatives

and I hit TWO jackpots, one on my mom's dad's ancestors - we went back 11 generations (from Iliacat) to the 1600's ...

and then on the Grand Lunar's grandmother's ancestors - I haven't counted back the number of generations, but it goes back to the 1500's in England! Totally cool!

So now I'm taking all that info and ... er ... copying and pasting it into a nice looking but totally useless (unexportable) form.

Someday I'll get be a real program and copy and paste it in a way that would be useful to future research.

But for now ... I'm still in my jammies at 11:30, digging into my children's roots.

For, uh ... our assignment.

Don't freak out, it's an analogy

I have a malignant tumor*.

Its name is "wasting time" and it's in the "selfish and lazy" category of malignant growths.

The worst part about it is that if I hack it out, it just grows back. Sometimes in the same place and same form, other times in a different place and form.

I can't tell you how many times I've tried to hack it out, only to see it growing back, sometimes almost immediately. Sometimes it even grows bigger than ever.

I've tried to hack it out in my own power. I've tried to sit back and pray for healing. I've tried to hack it out while praying for healing and strength to do the task.

So far it's still there, growing.

I'm trying that third approach again today. I've chopped myself off from my message boards, even though I'd already pared down to just a few small ones, I've been long gone from the BIG one that used to take all my time. I'm going to chop off a lot of my blog reading list. I'm going to chop away at the TIMES I can use the computer. again. Trying to stay off while the kids are awake.

I'm going to check my email now and then during the day, and I'll still try to get blog entries in, and friends' blogs visited, in the time after kids are in bed. So if I don't visit your blog as often, please understand. And if you miss me, drop me an email. I'm going to try to be a better reply-er. I've been bad lately. I'm sorry. I have intermittent trouble with bounces (sometimes that I don't even know about) but hopefully I'll find out if you're bouncing and get things straightened out.

To be honest I don't feel very hopeful at winning this battle. Seems like it's a pretty virulent malignancy. I know there can be healing in the Lord, that He's the great physician ... but it's hard to be hopeful when I've tried, and tried, and tried, and am still facing the same old prognosis. But I can't just let it grow, either.

So ... in case you're skimming and freaking out, I'll reiterate. It's just an analogy for the ugly truth that is my life.

*credit where credit is due ~ this analogy is a spin-off from Kelly's comments in this previous post.

*****

unrelated note ~ come do a little mini Bible study with me:

Is "balance" a Biblical concept? Should we seek balance in our lives? If so, where do you find that in the Bible, and what would you be balancing?

The original specific context of this question was: should we have a "balance" of being guided by the facts of doctrine vs. our emotions/feelings (the Holy Spirit) -- so specifically that, but I'm expanding the question to include the whole concept of "balance"

Please do not just state your thoughts, but back your position up with Scripture. All Scripturally backed opinions are welcome. :)

Tucked Away In Town

We rode past this place yesterday. The girls and I decided to walk back today to take pictures.

It's tucked away just past the library and always amazes me. Isn't it pretty? And it's within walking distance of our house.

I won't overload you with pictures (today), but you can follow that one, above, to my flickr pictures if you want, to see the artsy fartsy flower pix I took. Oh, and one of Noodle sitting on a fallen tree.

I thought this one was fun, although not the greatest quality. It's Iliacat on a fallen tree bridge, she's my monkey girl, always climbing. And Eminoodle running through the forget-me-nots to tell me something. It reminds me a little of Laura running through the fields in the Little House on the Prairie intro. I always wanted to run through fields of flowers.

A nice way to wrap up a Mother's Day afternoon, with a lovely walk with my girls.

Happy Mothers Day, to all you Mothers out there!

It's been awhile since I've blogged a dream ...

I should keep a little side bar list of things I mean to blog, though - like our nature hike the other day, and the enchilada recipe, and the BOX I got, because otherwise I'll forget.

But, while the gooey lemon buttercake is in the oven, I'll quick blog one of last night's dream.

Pre-dream (in reality): the last few days, as I've put lotion on my face, I've noticed the skin along my jawline is not very soft and smooth. It's not dry and flaky rough, nor is it acne rough ... it's just sort of rough. And so, although I am not one to pursue a dermatologist for smooth, flawless skin, I did muse over it with a "huh." sort of reaction.

So on to the dream. In my dream I was looking in the mirror and realized not only was my skin a little rough along the jawline and under the jawline, it was also a little darker. I leaned closer to the mirror and tilted my head back to look and realized there were actual hairs there.

Dark hairs.

Many many dark hairs.

About 1" long.

I had, in fact, a full beard growing under my jawline.

And for quite some time, apparently.

I was shocked, appalled, and mortified. Why hadn't anyone told me?

And what should I do, now? Trying to hurry to get ready for church! With a full beard under my jawline! There was no way I could pluck them all. I hurriedly decided I'd have to shave...

... and then find the electrolysis doctor who attended our church. (What a relief that we had one! Doesn't every church??)

I did find the doctor.

He said certainly he could help me, and clearly it was due to a hormonal imbalance. In fact, he was sure I had a hormonal imbalance because we have so many children. Most women my age, he explained, have only one or two, maybe three at most. So he could give me something that would take care of both hormonal issues.

I spluttered that having many children was not at all a hormonal imbalance, and that most women in our culture artificially limit their fertility, choosing only to have one or two or three. I tried to explain that children are blessings and we simply choose to not limit or avoid having them. But he was unchanged in his opinions.

And thus the dream ended, flustered and still with a beard.

ohmygoshiamsotired

Saturday.

Pooped.

Exercise today took more out of me than usual. I'm not sure why. I was back to watching the clock and wearily counting the minutes until I was done.

Then, this afternoon, I took a bike ride with the girls, hauling LittleD in the Burley behind me. Boy does THAT add a lot of extra effort! (imaging me puffing and panting the whole time.) He's even a skinny little kid! But, still.

We rode one mile to the bike trail and then 2.5 miles down it to the Duck Memorial where we stopped for a granola bar snack and looked for places to hide a geocache.

Then we had to ride home. I thought the way there must've been all uphill, since it was so tiring, but the way home was just as hard plus into a stiff cool breeze. 7 miles in an hour's worth of riding. I wish the exercise calorie burn places had a checkbox for "hauling preschooler in Burley" to check when choosing "cycling, <10 miles per hour" ... I should get some calorie brownie points there.

Then I went to do some laundry but the stupid mattress cover and blanket that I, uh, crammed into the dryer late last night are, surprisingly, not dry. They were all wadded around eachother in a heat-impenetrable ball. So I separated them and tried to fluff them into the dryer. I am sure they have returned to their undryable glob. So I can't wash anything new because in the dryer are the never-drying pad-and-blanket, and in the washer is the similarly never-drying ... what's the word? ... comforter? those big poofy things to look nicey on top of your bed. Only they don't look so nicey with cat barf on them, thus the rotting in the washer while the heat-impenetrable blanket blob rolls in the dryer.

Then (I know it's bad to start every paragraph with "I" ... is it bad to start them all with "then" ? I'm such a classy writer)

Then the neighbors asked to borrow our oven. Apparently they're making a mothers' day cake (um, I guess in this case it would be mother's, since they only have one mother) but their oven died. They knew it was dying, it was working but giving warning error messages, and they responsibly called a repairman who is coming Monday, but it completely died. So the cakes are in my oven, making my house smell nicey. I hope I don't burn them or undercook them or something.

So now it's time to give the little kids baths, at least when the cakes are done ...

Oh MAN!

Did I tell you a week or two ago about my stove? How I discovered that, after 5+ years of living here, I could no longer use both big burners and the oven at the same time or it would blow the fuse? I blew it about 6 times in a row one day, trying to juggle half-cooked dinner items, before I figured out I could use the right burner and the oven, and did the rest in the microwave. Adequately. So anyway, I've just been using one or the other burner since, and it's been fine.

I was sitting here, happily blogging away, oblivious to the world. I didn't need to pay attention to the cakes, that's what timers are for.

But then I eventually realized I didn't hear the teapot boiling.

I didn't hear the teapot boiling!!! I dashed out there and checked the stove. No lights.

Rats. I turned off the back burner and ran downstairs and threw the circuit breaker, then ran back up and switched the tea pot to the right-front burner. The oven had cooled to about 275. It hadn't been off a LONG time, maybe 5 minutes?

I hope I didn't ruin their cake.

Apparently it's the left-back burner and the oven that is the/a trigger for the circuit thingie.

One good thing, at least the adrenaline from neighbor-cake panic woke me up a little.

At least long enough to drink the coffee.

Right?

I'll let you know about the cakes*.

*update ~ I think they're okay. They passed the toothpick test. ~ phew! ~

Possibly a full cup of sugar in every bite!

Are you a Jell-O mom?

I'm really not. I don't know why. I suppose because I don't love the stuff, myself.

But The Grand Lunar, he's a Jell-O Man. He likes the artificially colored, artificially fruitful wiggly blobs. And when he bought some Jell-O for the kids a while back they were very excited and pleased with his choice.

And so I thought ... "Why not? I could do Jell-O now and then."

Only.

I have to do it MY way.

Of course.

And of course MY way would take all day.

"All day? For Jell-O? What could you possibly mean, Kim?"

Simply this:

Six layers of jiggly rainbow bliss.

Because my favorite color still is "rainbow".

Proper enjoyment for the under 3 crowd included obligatory squarshing.

Recipe:
8 serving boxes of strawberry (cherry also acceptable), orange, lemon, lime, blue raspberry, and grape Jell-O. Use the Jiggler recipe, halved. Make one layer at a time, poring layers successively into pan in proper rainbow order, allowing at least 45-60 minutes between layers. Requires patience. And at least 4.5 hours, I did it in 6. And some ability to remember to make the next layer. A timer works well. Also requires space in the fridge.

Long Overdue Cowboy Caviar

I'd never heard of Cowboy Caviar until dh found a recipe and said we should try it. I was skeptical. Very very skeptical. But I made it for him, and everyone loved it, including me.

I've seen many recipes online, since, but none of them are anything like this one. Go figure.

I don't know why this wasn't the first recipe I ever posted, it's that good. But Theresa has asked for the recipe, and I'm more than happy to (finally!) get it posted:

Cowboy Caviar

Ingredients:
6 eggs
8 oz cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup light sour cream
1 can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 can chopped olives
1 onion, minced
2 cloves garlic, minced
2 T. lemon juice
1/4 tsp dried red pepper flakes
1 tsp cumin
1/4 tsp pepper
1 bunch green onions, chopped
cherry tomatoes or a little red pepper
tortilla chips

Directions:
Hard boil the eggs and let cool
Blend softened cream cheese and sour cream and spread in a low, flat dish
Mix beans, chopped olives, garlic, lemon juice, and spices. Adjust spices to taste.
Cover sour cream with bean mixture.
Finely chop eggs and sprinkle evenly over top of bean mixture
Sprinkle green onions over egg mixture (or for artsy-fartsiness around edges)
Quarter cherry tomatoes and arrange decoratively around edges and center.
Sprinkle with red pepper flakes (or paprika) for extra spice and color.

Serve as a dip, with tortilla chips

Now I need to tell you, I am not a fan of olives. This whole recipe sounded scary to me before we tried it. But it has become a huge hit and potluck staple and is always well received.

The quantities of ingredients are very flexible, if you want it more cream cheesy, use more cream cheese - I added the sour cream to increase spreadability and dipability. If you don't like the heat of red pepper, use a little paprika for color. If you love spicy food, lay it on! The redder the flakes, the prettier it looks. If you love garlic, add a bit more. Go nuts! The above picture has some cutesy tiny red peppers that I found and cut into rings.

Let me know if you try it.

Coming later ... Yvette's enchiladas. Which I forgot to take a picture of. Phooey. But they're not so much fancy-pretty as really yummy.

Procrastination Entry!

I'm making dinner for a family in our church tonight, the mom/wife had surgery this past week ...

I love to cook for people and make meals. It's one of the few 'ministries' I feel easily fits with my talents and time and can be done with my family, not splitting us up.

But I'm still a procrastinator at heart, so instead of being in the kitchen, busy busy busy, I'm here, goofing around.

I'm making chicken enchiladas*, without the yummy onions and peppers, at the receivers request. I think I'll make ours with all the veggies and black beans and only a little chicken.

I should probably get to work.

I'm having a major junk food craving right now. Not sure why.

Oh, and regarding the previous subject, I don't have anything new and exciting to say, but I wanted to agree with what Theresa said in the comments -- I can't focus on how I FEEL, because emotions deceive. I need to stand firm on the facts. God draws near to those who call on Him, whether we can always see that right away or not. I believe that. He IS here, He will be here, He will supply all my needs. Thank you, Theresa, for pointing me back to the Truth.

* I thought for sure I'd put in the recipe for Yvette's Chicken Enchiladas before, but I don't see it. Maybe if I have a break in all my procrastination, I'll do that.

That was ... refreshing?

So ...

I thought I went to the conference to be refreshed and encouraged. I thought I was being refreshed and encouraged while I was there. I heard some great speakers say some things that really rang true for me, felt insightful. You know, those "Ah ha, that's really the perspective I needed to hear." sort of moments.

The theme of the main speaker was that we need to "Draw near, hold fast" to Christ.

And I know the root of my struggles, the root of my discouragement and frustration, are all there in that issue. That I need to not rely on my strength, not look to other things to fix everything, but to draw near and hold fast to Christ.

Except.

I don't feel like I am even able to get that right, right now.

I've made some pitiful attempts. I am so distractible, my mind just chatters and drifts and won't stay focused. I'm not saying I should offer God pathetic attempts, but I sometimes feel that's the best I've got to offer now, to at least try to cry out, try to draw near. Only I feel like I can't even get that right.

And if that's the root of it all ... and I can't get it right ... then what?

I know, I know, it's not about ME, it's about Him.

But ...
what happens to the one who tries ... or tries to try ... or is trying hard to try to try ... and cries out to God "help me draw near to you, God" and still seems to fall flat on her face?

Did I not cry out sincerely enough?
Long enough?
Is there some hidden sin that I'm overlooking?
Is my repentance only self-pity?

And if so, how do I become more sincere? How do I become repentant rather than just sorry?

Doesn't that require ... drawing nearer to God?

It all comes back to what I can't seem to be able to do.

And if I can't draw near to Him, why doesn't He pick me up?

I don't know why I have this huge disconnect.

What do I do now?

Just keep trying? Try harder?

Is it because I think, at these conferences, "I really shouldn't spend all my time wasting it on the internet" and then don't change? Is my inability to change what's keeping me from being able to reach God? Is it holding me back from trying? Or does that change have to come FROM drawing near?

If it comes down to having to get it right first, and/or how hard I try to reach God, then it seems like it's more about me and my potential failure than about Him. And I know that isn't Truth.

But ... how do I reconcile living *here* in this place where I can't seem to draw near and hold fast? Where I really think I want to, where I am trying ... or trying to try ... and still not seeming to draw near?

Hi from the Homeschooling Conference!

Good morning!

How's everyone doing?

I'm blogging from the homeschooling conference, holed up in the Radisson across the way from the Lansing Center. We're up on the 11th (and top) floor, which is kind of fun. In a look-out-the-window-and-see-how-far-down-things-are sort of way. We're up so high! The sun is rising over the city and the view out our East facing window is blindingly brilliant. This part of Michigan is flat, and downtown Lansing wouldn't win any awards for *pretty* but I still think there's something about looking out and seeing for miles, with the blinding sun washing everything with golden light through the haze ...

And my favorite building, the Water & Light Building, has sunlight illuminating it's windows ... I love the way this building was built on the river, with dark almost black bricks at the bottom, shades of purple and orange as you go up, to very light yellow bricks at the top, as if sitting along the river it has soaked up water over the years. I'll try to post a picture later.

The conference is good so far. I like conferences. I like speakers and talks and seeing friends in the hallway. I like staying in a hotel and drinking the free coffee with nasty powdered creamer (why don't I ever bring those little containers of liquid creamer that I like?) and being away from 'real life' long enough to think a little.

We don't go to ponder curriculum directions or to buy things. I know a lot of people come for the Exhibitor's Hall, to look first hand at the curriculums and to buy them (often at a discount) while here. But not me. I come for the talks and to be re-focused on God, and re-energized and encouraged. I usually need it by May! We do visit the exhibitor's hall, but my brain seems to shut down as soon as I walk in, even if I know what curriculum specifics I want to look at and buy. I walk in and am dazed and overwhelmed and just wander, buying my stuff later, from home, over the internet. But I love the speakers and the encouragement, the reminders of why we do this and what's really important.

At some point I'd like to blog those deeper thoughts of the why and what's important, but not today. I need to get on with drinking the not-so-tasty but well caffeinated coffee, and packing up our few belongings, so we can check out before the first session. The Grand Lunar is in the shower, and I'm just goofing off, here.

If I were ever holding a conference, I'd see about a late check-out time for attenders, like after the end of the whole conference, and a continental breakfast. At least for those on the 11th floor. Which is the 'concierge' floor here. Which is French for, "registered late enough that the only rooms left were on the expensive floor." -- you need to swipe your room card to even GET to this floor. So if it's soooo special, shouldn't a continental breakfast - just bagels and fruit would be fine - oh, and flavored non-powdered creamer - come with the extra price? I think it was $25 for this floor. I mean additional. So we should get some perks besides the closed-on-the-weekends conceirge room. Which, apparently, is a big empty room with lounge chairs. I'm not really sure the point.

The hotel is connected to the Lansing Center with this great long tube tunnel thingie. I love walking through the tube tunnel thingie. I'm easy to impress. But we always stay here instead of one of the cheaper but farther away hotels. It's a once-a-year splurge. We don't have to drive back and forth, we can walk to the car if we forget or need something, and we get to use that tunnel tube walkway several times.

There's also a Chinese restaurant within walking distance that we like. I'm having the steamed veggies and white rice, with hot garlic sauce on the side.

Not for breakfast. I'm just planning my lunch, already. We usually eat there twice, Friday night dinner and Saturday lunch. It's "our place" LOL.

Anyway. I'm rambling. I was reading recently that a good blog is succinct. Haha! Well, that just makes me One Bad Blogger.

HEY! I should've worn my HSB shirt, been on the lookout for other bloggers here.

Maybe next year I'll have a blogger workshop, LOL. The Workshop itself could be just sitting and giggling, really. Talking about what we like about blogs. Finding out which blog-reads we have in common. Meeting famous Michigan Homeschool Bloggers like ... um ... uh ... I guess I don't know any. Besides me. LOL!

Wouldn't that be fun?

I'm so full of good plans.

Spider-Man! Spider-Man! Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man!

It's 2:51 a.m.

We just got back from the 12:05 a.m. showing of Spider-Man 3!

Whooooo! I really liked it.

And I'll tell you this: It was intense enough, and Venom was creepy enough, that afterwards, when I used the ladies room and the auto-flush toilet did it's gearing-up-to-flush squeak, I FREAKED OUT thinking it was Venom about to get me in the bathroom!

Also, on the way home we passed this bank where you can see into the lobby window and there's a painting on the wall, and I thought it was Sandman looking at me. Seriously!

Freaky!

Or maybe it's that it's way past my bedtime and I'm just a little jazzed.

Pretty intense, though.

(nods seriously)

Today it's been two years

I can't believe it.

Even looking back at pictures, I can't make sense of it.

It's been two years since Little Buzz was born. Two years, today.

Here's a pic I'm stealing from the old blog:

Me, just a few days before, not expecting to go into labor early (only 2 days early, but I usually go late)

Here's a link to a very late "Baby Buzz Birth Story" blog entry. 48 hours? What took me so long?

Thanks again, Betsy, for your thoughtful bagels and visit that day (mentioned in the previous link). What a wonderful memory, today, thinking, "Hey, this is about when Betsy dropped by!" -- and what a surprise for you it must've been!

A pic taken not-by-me moments after he was born, and then a short time later with me and with The Grand Lunar:

And, lest you forgot, a mere 8 days after he was born our local paper did a story on us, the nerdly family who named all their children after Star Trek (um, if you're confused, that's because their blog nicknames are NOT after Star Trek characters) and came to my HOUSE to take the picture. The goofy "please look like Star Trek Nerds" picture. In my house. 8 days after I'd given birth. (Can you tell having strangers in my house 8 days postpartum freaked me out a little? Not the germs. The cleaning and tidying required.)

Do we not all look pretty goofy? Good thing you know we don't usually look like that. The things we do for fame.

Here's a few recent pictures, so you can see how he's grown! In the first one he's pretending to be blind. It's one of his favorite games.

Happy Birthday, Buzz! I still can't believe it.

And for tonight & tomorrow ....

Pray for Heather, would you?

Her surgery is tomorrow.

I've been amazed at her strength in the Lord and her choice to turn her thoughts, her fears, her posts, her eyes, and the eyes of her readers toward the Lord through all of this.

May God continue to be glorified through her ordeal.

A glimpse into my busy and productive day...

Despite your own busy schedule, I interrupt your important computer time to offer you one short glimpse into my busy and productive day.

I was reading BooMama's post about the Purse meme (which I won't do right now, mine is too messy) and followed her link backwards to GiBee's recent purse meme entry, and followed her link back to some older purse entry, which included a comment from someone named moledog (other than BooMama, none of these people are in my regular reads (because I'm such a busy woman, I suppose, as you can see from this important post) so I can't vouch for what you might or might not find on their sites, I'm just trying to give credit and linkage where it's due, although after I wrote that I couldn't link to moledog because the link went to some can't display profile page, anyway):

uh,m where was I?

Oh yeah, "moledog" said in his comments:

"At one time my wife was carrying around a purse that you could put a small child in, thankfully she has downsized a little. :-)"

And that reminded me of this, which I can't remember if I showed you last year around the time it occured. Not that this is my purse. This is my bag. Which my purse sometimes goes into. I love my bag. (And my purse. Although I could use one just a little bit bigger, and am on the lookout.)

That's LittleD at 3, completely in my bag. Ain't he cute?

And so ... uh ... I don't have a point, other than moledog's wife must have had a great bag, too. Although a cuter kid is hard to imagine.

And so ... um ... I just had to rush over and show you the picture that went with the comment I read surfing an old entry on a blog I don't read that I'd linked to from a blog I do read.

There was a jerk ...

It wasn't nearly as exciting as me being an idiot, but there was a jerk on the bike ride.

At the very end we were riding along a road that is the business route through downtown. I don't live in a big town, but this is one of the busiest roads, and so we were riding on the sidewalk, which is separated from the busy road by about a foot of dirt. We were slowing down and checking carefully behind us at each small street crossing, to make sure no one was turning in, when someone drove by and yelled "WATCHOUT!" just as they drove past. I'm just glad we didn't tip over into the road in shock. Stupid Jerk.

But that's not really that good of a story.

So back to the caffeine thing.

I had a can of Diet Coke With Vitamins last night. They added Acesufacefsition-K (whatever) artificial sweetener to this Diet Coke, which I say is unwise. Don't be messing with the perfect mix. But maybe it's trying to mask a vitamin taste. But now it doesn't taste quite like Diet Coke. But caffeine beggars can't be choosers. Anyway I had it before dinner, then finished off the Grand Lunar's abandoned DCWV after he'd gone to church. So I had 1.5 cans of soda, or so. In the evening. And this morning woke to ... guess what? Yes, the distinctive start of a caffeine headache. I'm serious. This is why caffeine and me have issues. At least I recognize the start and can feed it while it's still a baby. Keep it at bay.

I remember working up in the UP one summer (if you know of a college age person who needs a great summer experience working in the UP, let me know!) and getting caffeine withdrawal headaches around 10 each morning if I hadn't fed the monster yet.

When I was in college, one year I had a double room all to myself, and used one entire closet to store my pop can empties, because Michigan has a bottle return law, and I'd invested $0.10 into each and every can. So I would stack them up to heaven, and if I didn't get to the store that week I'd have an additional heap next to the door. Seriously. I drank that much diet coke. I probably could've had a year of college free if I'd invested that money in school instead of staying drugged. Drugged on caffeine, I mean. In case you misunderstood.

That was the same year I worked at the front desk several nights a week - whatever the max hours were - from 7-12 and then came back and studied until 3, and then slept until 7, and then had class all day. My first class was on the South End of campus - a 25 minute walk from where I lived in the North, at 8 am. In the Winter. It was horrible.

That winter semester I did have a roommate for a short time. She was a grad student from China. She moved in late and only stayed in the dorm until she could find some grad students to move in with. I remember I would come home to exchange books during the day, with no time to eat, and she would be eating lunch. I would come home in the evening to grab my things for work, with no time to stop and study or play, and she would be studying. I would come home at 12:30 from work and have to hit the books, and she would be sleeping. And all the messages on my answering machine were in Chinese. She got to do everything I didn't have time to do. It was weird.

I lived on Diet Coke, Coffee, Ramen Noodles, and Microwave Popcorn that year. I'm not really sure how I survived.

Don't even ask me about the No-Doz year. Which actually came before the Year Of No Sleep And No Food. Because by that year I think I'd had so much No-Doz the year before that I was still shaking from it. They use peppermint to mask the caffeine bitterness, and I still dislike peppermint candy to this day, it makes me feel queasy.

So anyway, what's my point? I'm not sure I have one. But if I do, It's not that I'm some sort of a holier than thou anti-coffee health nut. Me and caffeine go way back. We've got history. A lot of history.

I Have Met the Idiot and She is Me.

Yes, yes, I admit it. The idiot is me.

You saw that coming, I'm sure.

But first, a disclaimer ... in my absence you have all been eagerly awaiting the rest of the story, and now it seems very lame indeed. I'm feeling pretty bad about letting you all think there was some great story coming, and then it just being me. Talk about a let down! Like when you wait all season for the 2nd part of a cliff hanger, and then it's just stupid?

Yeah, so that's me.

Why?

I bet you can guess that, too, if you've known me for long.

I dangled my foot off the front of the caffeine-free wagon, lost my balance, fell off, and got run into the ground.

I can see you shaking your heads. Don't think I can't. But I deserve it. I knew better.

Here's how it went down.

First, I wasn't sleeping well.

Then I had one biggish cup of coffee a week ago Sunday, because of my irrational but well-deserved fear of dozing off in church. One. Biggish, but not huge. Sunday.

Then one can of soda the day I drove to the airport after lunch, because after lunch driving on a warm day can be dangerously dozy. Tuesday.

Then it was Thursday and I had a killer headache all day. Tried ibuprofen. Tried Tylenol. Doubled up on them, even. Not a dent. Even tried an Aleve later. Nothing. Going out with friends from church, an event that took much acrobatics to bring together four couples. Had one Diet Coke at the restaurant. One. One ice filled watered down fountain soda.

Headache went away like magic!

Good all day Friday. Great! Whoo Hoooo!

Not so much Saturday. Woke with a headache that just got worse and worse. Really bad while out riding in the sun. Really. really. bad.

Gave up and drank a new Diet Coke With Vitamins (talk about weird!) when we got home because my head. hurt. so. bad.

And it went away. And I felt GREAT!

And I knew it was too late. I'd tempted the addiction with small tastes, knowing I shouldn't but justifying them with 1.) it's not much, only one serving and not even every day, and 2.) I really neeeed some this time, so as not to crash (figuratively, or literally).

And when the addiction started to growl, I didn't ride it out. I fed it some more.

And now?

I'm being dragged along behind that wagon.

Now I either stick with the careful balance of caffeinating my head, or I choose to go through withdrawal again. Or I misjudge the balance and go through mini-withdrawal and respond by overcaffeinating myself. Which is the most likely of the three options, really.

Now is the moment when the nice supportive people say, "Hey, you should be able to enjoy caffeine if it doesn't cause problems for you! Don't sweat it. It's not so bad. Don't beat yourself up, just enjoy it."

And to them I say,

"Amen!

except ...

it does cause problems for me."

And so.

After suffering through a hideous migraine to get free, a few months ago, I've enslaved myself.

Again.

To the headaches, the mood cycles and depression, the motivation issues.

Has anyone known me long enough to be counting how many times I've been through this cycle? I'm sure it's more times than years I have lived.

So.

There you have it.

The Idiot, Unveiled.

I'm guessing few of you are surprised.